Mom died this morning.
I will post later...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Lying in Wait
Mom is still here... in body at least. She has spent the last five days or so in a semi-comatose state.
She was completely unresponsive for about 28 hours. She could not be awakened. Then, she briefly woke up, albeit mentally still in another world. One time she was talking to her deceased mother. Another time she was quietly mumbling about jury duty. I think they would give her a pass. Other than that she sleeps, and she hasn't mumbled anything in more than day.
Since she is a 'do not resuscitate', there is no feeding tube, no ventilator, and she started refusing her oxygen about two weeks ago when she was still mentally here.
I drop her pain meds in her mouth every few hours, put on her Chapstick, and keep her mouth moist with a sponge. That's it.
I have made peace with her dying. I don't want to sound harsh, but now I am looking forward to her passing. If you were here you would understand.
Mom... Brenda... is really no longer with us. This is not life, this is not death. It is limbo. It is time to pick one or the other, and the former is no longer an option.
She doesn't seem to be in pain. I don't think she can really sense much of anything now.
It's time to go.
Thank you to everyone who has contacted me about your personal experiences with the death of a loved one. Your support has truly helped.
I debated about posting the latest photo of her, but since mom has allowed me to take photos of her and post them in this blog during her journey, I truly believe she would give me verbal permission to post this one as well... if she could. Why? Because this is what cancer can look like, and this is part of her journey.
However, I wanted you to see what mom normally looked like during her life, so I posted a photo of her in nursing school in her 20s, and one taken late last year after her surgery to remove the colon tumor.
Such a beautiful woman.
(2nd photo credit: Henry Barrios for San Joaquin Community Hospital)
She was completely unresponsive for about 28 hours. She could not be awakened. Then, she briefly woke up, albeit mentally still in another world. One time she was talking to her deceased mother. Another time she was quietly mumbling about jury duty. I think they would give her a pass. Other than that she sleeps, and she hasn't mumbled anything in more than day.
Since she is a 'do not resuscitate', there is no feeding tube, no ventilator, and she started refusing her oxygen about two weeks ago when she was still mentally here.
I drop her pain meds in her mouth every few hours, put on her Chapstick, and keep her mouth moist with a sponge. That's it.
I have made peace with her dying. I don't want to sound harsh, but now I am looking forward to her passing. If you were here you would understand.
Mom... Brenda... is really no longer with us. This is not life, this is not death. It is limbo. It is time to pick one or the other, and the former is no longer an option.
She doesn't seem to be in pain. I don't think she can really sense much of anything now.
It's time to go.
Thank you to everyone who has contacted me about your personal experiences with the death of a loved one. Your support has truly helped.
I debated about posting the latest photo of her, but since mom has allowed me to take photos of her and post them in this blog during her journey, I truly believe she would give me verbal permission to post this one as well... if she could. Why? Because this is what cancer can look like, and this is part of her journey.
However, I wanted you to see what mom normally looked like during her life, so I posted a photo of her in nursing school in her 20s, and one taken late last year after her surgery to remove the colon tumor.
Such a beautiful woman.
(2nd photo credit: Henry Barrios for San Joaquin Community Hospital)
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